(Hey, let’s go and get on with it!)
Everyone calls me the Tortoise God. I am quite optimistic, but because of some unexpected things, I am now banished into the mortal world to suffer.
Hey, do you all know each other? Everyone calls me the Tortoise God, and I am quite positive and full of curiosity. I am always curious about everything, which is why I got involved in some mess and got banished into the mortal world. Now I am here guarding this pond. Gosh, it really was a big misunderstanding! (“Hey! So, what really happened?”) You have no idea. I was a heavenly celestial officer, and really had nothing much to do except wonder around to see the world. One day I heard some sounds of water splashing, and I wondered what it was. I went over to check it out because I was curious. (“OK, you just went over to see what it was all about.”) I wanted to find out what was happening, and before I knew it someone was snatching me by the collar! (“What was that all about?”) I was accused of being a peeping tom for peeking at a celestial fairy while she was taking a bath! This is absurd! Gosh, I was in deep trouble and didn’t know what to do. So, I was accused of being a pervert for watching her while she scrubbed her thighs! Seriously, I was the one that got the short end of the stick! (“Oh! You were peering at someone taking a bath?”) Hey, it was a lie, and I had no way of clearing my name! If I did see anything then I wouldn’t be feeling so shortchanged, right? I didn’t see anything and got banished into the mortal world for no reason at all! And now I am just here guarding this pond. I am in charge of this place, the Hsiangpin Pond. I watch over all the fish here, big and small. Sigh, there is no use talking too much about this. Let’s go! Let’s go look around.
Hey! Why is there a girl crying over there? What is going on? Wow, let me go check on her. It makes my heart twitch three times when I see girls cry. I feel so bad for her. OK, let me go ask her. Let’s go see why she is over there.
“Hey, Miss! May I ask what has happened to you? Why are you looking so down? Please explain to me what has happened to make you feel so distraught? Please tell me why!”
“Sigh, there is no point in telling you. Are you able to fix my problem?”
“Hey, hey, you haven’t even told me anything, so how would you know if I am able to help or not? How about you just tell me about it, and I will see what I can do.”
“Ok, sure, if you really want to know then listen up, I will tell you what is going on! “
“Ok, I see, I get it now! Let’s see…yes, sure! If a person lets obsession take over her heart, it will be hard to even eat or digest food at all! But that’s not the case with you!”
“Then, what is the deal with me?”
“Your inner energy flow is blocked, and it’s all stuck down in your lower abdominal area, which is causing your energy flow to be irregular. Since your abdominal area is blocked, you will need to clear out your pressure points!”
“Wow! Do you know how to fix that?”
“Let me try but let me also be clear first. If it works, it means you are a lucky and blessed person, but if it doesn’t work, I would then have no other way to help.”
“Fine. Please kind celestial officer, please give it a try if it’s not too much trouble for you.”
“Ok, don’t mention it. Let me give it a go! I shall give a big push and try to help you with your energy. This will help to clear your energy flow and turn you into a charming, attractive, beautiful young woman!”
I, the Tortoise God, must keep my head straight and quickly get inside that cave by the half cliff. This koi is pretending not to mind because she wants to get a good-looking bod. Alright, I must not make a sound for this to be effective!
Ha, the Tortoise God sure is naughty and is rubbing the koi up and down her chest. All the rubbing has made the koi chuckle and half laugh a little. “Hey, Tortoise, stop tickling me! Don’t fool around like that!” “No, I am helping to clear out your pressure points. Ticklish? No! Pay attention and concentrate!”
Wow, the Tortoise God sure is very naughty and is purposely rubbing the koi right in the chest. Wow! All that rubbing has made the koi quite excited. If you’ve ever seen a spinning top then you know what this is all about. As the top spins and spins, sometimes it would suddenly pop up. This is what the koi is feeling right now. “Hey, kind sir, this feels great!” The koi is feeling pretty good at this moment.
The Tortoise God really knows how to drag things on. He has already spewed out about ten globs of his gunk. At this time, the Koi Nymph keeps praising him, “Tortoise, you really are quite amazing!” Well, at this point the Tortoise God has used up all his energy and has gone limp and deflated.
Wow! My body has transformed and is looking great! Thank you, Tortoise. You are amazing! Please, let’s do it again, again!
“Wow, wow, I can’t! Let me take a breather for a second!” “No, Tortoise, don’t stop. If you stop, this matter won’t be complete!” “Well, no, if I can’t then I can’t! There is just nothing more that I can give!” “Well, look at me! Look at my great body! But there are two whiskers sticking out from the sides of my mouth. This doesn’t look good. Please, please! Please help me fix my problem. We should continue with the treatment!”
Now, the koi is feeling pretty ecstatic and is telling the Tortoise God to keep treating her. The Tortoise God is completely spent and has no more energy in him to give!
Because of the limited time we have today, my dear friends, this song will come to a momentarily end right here. We shall continue next time. If you like what you’ve heard, remember this is just part one, and part two is to be continued.