鯉魚精–3


作詞:楊秀卿 儲見智 ╱ 作曲:傳統曲調 ╱
台語:2020.04
專輯:未公開的綺麗
歌手: 楊秀卿

歌詞


(啊,走,走欸!)
人人叫我是鱉仙,
我的性情閣真樂天,
啊今為著代誌的轉變,
哎喲,被貶落來凡間受可憐。

啊!恁逐家三八無?(欸!啥乜咧三八?)
無啦,恁相捌無啦?
逐家叫我是鱉仙啦,
啊我的性情是真樂天啦,
啊好玄啦,
甚乜代誌攏欲共看覓一下,因此才會惹出這號無端的事故,被貶下凡,來遮佇咧顧水池啦!啊,實在有影,真正寃枉喔!(欸!啊到底是發生啥乜代誌啊?)
Há~!你都毋知咧,我著是天元的神官啦,著是閒閒無代誌做,四界行,四界趖啦。忽然間聽著水聲噒噒喨喨,我想看:「欸!『什麼東西啊?』」我著共好玄欲共看覓咧。(喔,了解一下)欲共了解一下仔詳細。啥人知我都猶未看著,見面予人對頷領著共擼起來矣咯!(是按怎咧?)講啥乜我啦,偷看仙女洗身軀啦!哎喲,講『不像樣』啦!我害矣!啊!無法度啦。因為按呢乎,講我這不死鬼啦,看人洗大腿啦!實在喔,才著是咧受虧!(喔!你去偷看人洗身軀喔?)啊喲,無影無跡,講欲予鬼仔㧻壁。我若甲有看著乎,按呢這著無冤枉矣,著毋?都是無看著半項,無代無誌,予人貶落來這个凡間,佇遮顧水池啦。這祥濱水池啊,我這馬佇咧掌管,內底大細魚仔攏是我咧顧的。啊,講彼嘛無路用,行啦!來去四界巡巡看覓咧。

欸!哇!哪有一个查某囡仔佇遐按呢嗆嗆叫,到底是啥乜因端?嘑哇!哎喲!我看落去到塊,查某囡仔若咧哭乎,我的心肝著按呢搐三下,實在是真毋甘。好!我來共問看覓仔咧。欸!問看到底是為啥乜因端,哪會佇遐咧『這個、那個』啊?嘿嘿嘿,按呢好。
Ènn,『小姐』啊!來我問妳咧,啊妳是創啥代誌,到底為著啥情景,看妳按呢佇咧面憂面結,實在真不明啊!妳毋著講予我聽看覓仔,到底為著甚乜款的代誌,予妳心內佇咧袂安靜?趕緊共我說將情!

「唉!共你講嘛無路用。你敢有法度通好解決我的事情?」
「嗯,哎!啊妳都猶無講,妳哪會知影我有法度通解決抑是無法度?抑妳毋著講看覓咧!啊我毋才會當通好安排。」
「既然如此,你若愛聽,著是因為這款的代誌啊!聽說、容稟來!」
「哦!なるほどか,我知影我知影!嘿嘿嘿!我看覓仔一下……啊,著啦!人咧講若煞著彼號頂腹蓋,啊食飯著袂消化,啊妳毋是啦!」
「啊無,我是按怎?」
「妳這著是這个氣血不通順,啊激佇這个丹田下跤面啦,所致為著這氣血無通的關礙,妳擋佇丹田下面,所以這著愛通穴道!」
「唅!若按呢你敢有法度?」
「我試看覓仔咧。先品咧啦,會用的是妳的福氣啦乎!啊若袂用的我是無法度唅。」
「按呢好啦。啊無,有勞仙官囉!」
「嘿嘿,免客氣啦。我試來欸!……出一下仔大力咧,小共妳運一下仔氣咧。嘑!這个氣血才會當通敨,予妳按呢變成婀娜多姿,予妳變成一个媠孆孆的查某囡仔官!嘿嘿嘿!」

我鱉仙頭殼著伸直,
半壁的磅空緊鑽入,
這个鯉魚仔為著愛伊的身材,刁工激澀澀,
嘑!我著毋通出聲,比較較有效力!

嘿嘿!講甲這个鱉仙實在有影誠手銃,
刁工共這个魚仔按呢鑢胸前,
鑢來仔鑢去,予魚仔按呢欲笑仔毋成笑,都咧肉吻笑。
「哎喲!鱉哥啊,人會真擽呢,莫啦!莫按呢耍啦!」
「無囉,我這是共妳拍通穴道,啥乜咧真擽?較注意咧,較注意咧!」

喔哇!這个鱉仙實在誠手銃,
故意共彼个魚仔鑢胸前,
哇!這个魚仔鑢落去到塊按呢激侺侺,
甚乜侺侺呢?各位朋友,恁若咧拍干樂恁著知乎,彼干樂忽然佇咧遨、佇咧遨,來到遮,就按呢徛起來,「徛侺」,徛侺著是看著講伊按呢,「哎呀!にいさん、えらいね!」
嘑啊!彼當陣仔乎,心肝是歡喜來暢在心。

鱉仙實在真敖趖,
講咧鱉嘗連吐規十垺,
這个時陣啊,魚仔精著直直咧共呵咾,
「鱉哥,你確實誠敖喔!」
嘿嘿嘿!這馬已經氣空力盡囉!
這个鱉仙一个煞軟膏膏囉!

哇!予我變成好體態,
變成這款的身材,
鱉哥仔你實在真厲害!
啊你會記得,閣再來,閣再來!

「欸欸,今今今,無法度矣啦!予我小歇喘一下啦!」
「哎喲,鱉哥啊,毋通閣歇矣,歇落去到塊,代誌著袂規站矣呢!」
「無囉!我都無法度著是無法度!彼叫做阿輪仙食滾水,講無法伊就是無法伊矣啦!」
「哎喲,你看咧啦!人遮爾誠好身材,啊變成兩支鬚,對這个漏喙邊的所在,按呢遮爾仔歹體態,莫啦!拜託咧!你嘛著替我排解,閣再共我治療才應該!」

今這个魚仔佇咧歡喜囉,叫這个鱉仙著閣繼續共治療。鱉仙已經無法度,氣空力盡囉!

因為時間的關礙,
通知列位朋友知,
歌仔伊著到遮咧暫扯擺,
後回咱才閣再來。
各位朋友,恁若聽有佮意,這叫做上集,咱後集仝款才閣來。

【歌詞英文翻譯English Translation】
(Hey, let’s go and get on with it!)
Everyone calls me the Tortoise God. I am quite optimistic, but because of some unexpected things, I am now banished into the mortal world to suffer.

Hey, do you all know each other? Everyone calls me the Tortoise God, and I am quite positive and full of curiosity. I am always curious about everything, which is why I got involved in some mess and got banished into the mortal world. Now I am here guarding this pond. Gosh, it really was a big misunderstanding! (“Hey! So, what really happened?”) You have no idea. I was a heavenly celestial officer, and really had nothing much to do except wonder around to see the world. One day I heard some sounds of water splashing, and I wondered what it was. I went over to check it out because I was curious. (“OK, you just went over to see what it was all about.”) I wanted to find out what was happening, and before I knew it someone was snatching me by the collar! (“What was that all about?”) I was accused of being a peeping tom for peeking at a celestial fairy while she was taking a bath! This is absurd! Gosh, I was in deep trouble and didn’t know what to do. So, I was accused of being a pervert for watching her while she scrubbed her thighs! Seriously, I was the one that got the short end of the stick! (“Oh! You were peering at someone taking a bath?”) Hey, it was a lie, and I had no way of clearing my name! If I did see anything then I wouldn’t be feeling so shortchanged, right? I didn’t see anything and got banished into the mortal world for no reason at all! And now I am just here guarding this pond. I am in charge of this place, the Hsiangpin Pond. I watch over all the fish here, big and small. Sigh, there is no use talking too much about this. Let’s go! Let’s go look around.

Hey! Why is there a girl crying over there? What is going on? Wow, let me go check on her. It makes my heart twitch three times when I see girls cry. I feel so bad for her. OK, let me go ask her. Let’s go see why she is over there.
“Hey, Miss! May I ask what has happened to you? Why are you looking so down? Please explain to me what has happened to make you feel so distraught? Please tell me why!”

“Sigh, there is no point in telling you. Are you able to fix my problem?”
“Hey, hey, you haven’t even told me anything, so how would you know if I am able to help or not? How about you just tell me about it, and I will see what I can do.”
“Ok, sure, if you really want to know then listen up, I will tell you what is going on! “
“Ok, I see, I get it now! Let’s see…yes, sure! If a person lets obsession take over her heart, it will be hard to even eat or digest food at all! But that’s not the case with you!”
“Then, what is the deal with me?”
“Your inner energy flow is blocked, and it’s all stuck down in your lower abdominal area, which is causing your energy flow to be irregular. Since your abdominal area is blocked, you will need to clear out your pressure points!”
“Wow! Do you know how to fix that?”
“Let me try but let me also be clear first. If it works, it means you are a lucky and blessed person, but if it doesn’t work, I would then have no other way to help.”
“Fine. Please kind celestial officer, please give it a try if it’s not too much trouble for you.”
“Ok, don’t mention it. Let me give it a go! I shall give a big push and try to help you with your energy. This will help to clear your energy flow and turn you into a charming, attractive, beautiful young woman!”

I, the Tortoise God, must keep my head straight and quickly get inside that cave by the half cliff. This koi is pretending not to mind because she wants to get a good-looking bod. Alright, I must not make a sound for this to be effective!

Ha, the Tortoise God sure is naughty and is rubbing the koi up and down her chest. All the rubbing has made the koi chuckle and half laugh a little. “Hey, Tortoise, stop tickling me! Don’t fool around like that!” “No, I am helping to clear out your pressure points. Ticklish? No! Pay attention and concentrate!”

Wow, the Tortoise God sure is very naughty and is purposely rubbing the koi right in the chest. Wow! All that rubbing has made the koi quite excited. If you’ve ever seen a spinning top then you know what this is all about. As the top spins and spins, sometimes it would suddenly pop up. This is what the koi is feeling right now. “Hey, kind sir, this feels great!” The koi is feeling pretty good at this moment.

The Tortoise God really knows how to drag things on. He has already spewed out about ten globs of his gunk. At this time, the Koi Nymph keeps praising him, “Tortoise, you really are quite amazing!” Well, at this point the Tortoise God has used up all his energy and has gone limp and deflated.

Wow! My body has transformed and is looking great! Thank you, Tortoise. You are amazing! Please, let’s do it again, again!

“Wow, wow, I can’t! Let me take a breather for a second!” “No, Tortoise, don’t stop. If you stop, this matter won’t be complete!” “Well, no, if I can’t then I can’t! There is just nothing more that I can give!” “Well, look at me! Look at my great body! But there are two whiskers sticking out from the sides of my mouth. This doesn’t look good. Please, please! Please help me fix my problem. We should continue with the treatment!”

Now, the koi is feeling pretty ecstatic and is telling the Tortoise God to keep treating her. The Tortoise God is completely spent and has no more energy in him to give!

Because of the limited time we have today, my dear friends, this song will come to a momentarily end right here. We shall continue next time. If you like what you’ve heard, remember this is just part one, and part two is to be continued.

吐槽歌詞