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(Fredrik)
She lightens my sadness
She livens my days
She bursts with a kind of madness
My well-ordered ways
My happiest mistake, the ache of my life:
You must meet my wife
She bubbles with pleasure
She glows with surprise
Disrupts my accustomed leisure
And ruffles my ties
I don't know even now quite how it began
You must meet my wife, my Anne
One thousand whims to which I give in
Since her smallest tear turns me ashen
I never dreamed that I could live in
So completely demented, contented a fashion
So sunlike, so winning
So unlike a wife
I do think that I'm beginning
To show signs of life
Don't ask me how at my age one still can grow--
If you met my wife, you'd know

(Desiree (speaking):)

Dear Fredrik
I'm just longing to meet her
Sometime

(Fredrik)

She sparkles...

(Desiree)

How pleasant

(Fredrik)

She twinkles...

(Desiree)

How nice

(Fredrik)

Her youth is a sort of present--

(Desiree)

Whatever the price

(Fredrik)

The incandescent--what?--the--

(Desiree (offering a cigarette):)

Light?

(Fredrik)

--of my life
You must meet my wife

(Desiree)

Yes, I must. I really must
Now--

(Fredrik)

She flutters

(Desiree)

How charming

(Fredrik)

She twitters

(Desiree)

My word!

(Fredrik)

She floats

(Desiree)

Isn't that alarming?
What is she, a bird?

(Fredrik)

She makes me feel I'm--what?--

(Desiree)

A very old man

(Fredrik)

Yes--no!

(Desiree)

No?

(Fredrik)

But--

(Desiree)

I must meet your Gertrude

(Fredrik)

My Anne

(Desiree)

Sorry--Anne

(Fredrik)

She loves my voice, my walk, my mustache
The cigar, in fact, that I'm smoking
She'll watch me puff until it's just ash
Then she'll save the cigar butt

(Desiree)

Bizarre, but
You're joking

(Fredrik)

She dotes on--

(Desiree)

Your dimple

(Fredrik)

My snoring

(Desiree)

How dear

(Fredrik)

The point is, she's really simple

(Desiree)

Yes, that much seems clear

(Fredrik)

She gives me funny names--

(Desiree)

Like?

(Fredrik)

"Old Dry-as-Dust."

(Desiree)

Wouldn't she just?

(Fredrik)

You must meet my wife

(Desiree)

Yes, I must, yes, I must

(Fredrik)

A sea of whims that I submerge in
Yet so loveable in repentance
Unfortunately still a virgin
But you can't force a flower--

(Desiree)

Don't finish that sentence!
She's monstrous!

(Fredrik)

She's frightened

(Desiree)

Unfeeling!

(Fredrik)

Unversed
She'd strike you as unenlightened--

(Desiree)

No, I'd strike her first

(Fredrik)

Her reticence, her apprehension--

(Desiree)

Her crust!

(Fredrik)

No!

(Desiree)

Yes!

(Fredrik)

No!

(Desiree)

Fredrik!

(Fredrik)

You must meet my wife

(Desiree)

Let me get my hat and my knife!

(Fredrik)

What was that?

(Desiree)

I must meet your wife

(Both)

Yes, you must
Yes, I must